It’s Time to Have The Talk… 

As we inch closer to the end of November, we have many wonderful events to look forward to. I affectionately call this time of the year Feast Season. In the best possible light, this is a time when we gather with different groups of family and friends, break bread, and have great conversations. We laugh at the funny times of the past; we cry missing the people whose chairs are now chairs; and we refocus on the areas of our life that give us meaning and purpose. 

While all of this is happening, this can also be a good time for The Talk. I know what you are thinking: it will be awkward, or I don’t know what exactly to say, or isn’t there a book I can just give out? I am not talking about the birds and the bees talk (that one might actually have been easier). Instead, this is a great time of year to talk about your wishes for end-of-life care or at your death. 

In my time of dealing with death and dying, I’ve heard from many folks who feel uneasy about the subject. It is as though, if we speak it, it will come into existence. Well, I am sorry to tell you, but you are not a god, you are indeed mortal, and death will come for us all. If we take the time to prepare (and prepare our loved ones) for our death, that preparation can allow our family and friends some comfort and ease when that day inevitably comes. 

Still feeling squeamish? Here are 3 tips: 

Be Specific:  Try not to beat around the bush on these topics. Name the people you want to make decisions, say what you do not want to happen, and be honest. 

Write It Down – and IN ONE PLACE:  I cannot tell you how many families spend hours going through old Bibles and junk drawers trying to find this stuff. There’s no need to make it a secret; clarity is a gift to those you love in a time of trial. 

Consider Digital Helps:  We are in an age where we can record messages and speak to people. If writing all this down is tough, consider making a recording instead. This digital record can be about your wishes around death and dying, but it can also be for those times you might not be there. What would you like to say on that wedding day, or on the anniversary of your death? Whatever it might be, think about all the tools that we have to capture your story and your presence for those you love. 

So, plan a time. Maybe it's right after the famous Rockettes dance at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, Maybe it's during the night-before preparations. Maybe it’s during the halftime of the football game (though not, perhaps, if your favorite team is losing). Trust me: there never is a “right time” to have this conversation. But in the end, having the conversation will lead to a thankful family down the road. 

God’s Peace, 

Pastor Tim 

P.S. If you would ever like to do funeral service specific planning together, let me know. We have a Funeral or Memorial planning worksheet to help you document your end of life wishes.